By D. Jeff Burton

I exchanged the following edited emails with Jeremy Jones (all names and details have been changed), a young man who is currently serving a mission in Ireland.

Elder Jones: I thought you might find my situation interesting. I have always considered myself a Borderlander, but, as you’ve probably noticed by my email address, I am also a full-time missionary.

I am from the LA area and went to a year of university at USC before going out. I had a choice between BYU and USC and ultimately decided on USC—I wanted to be an active Mormon because I chose to be, not because I’d get kicked out of school if I weren’t. It was also at a time when I wasn’t sure if I would serve a mission.

But, then, of course, I did. And many people were surprised. I have enjoyed it for the most part—understanding all the growing pains for what they are.

Jeff: Thanks for contacting me. I would really like to have something in the column about you and your situation. Let’s see where this goes. You might start by telling me something about your mission. (By the way, does someone in your leadership monitor these emails? I want to send you my questionnaire but I don’t want to stir things up for you.)

Elder Jones: I have been on my mission for about a year, currently as a zone leader in a stake that is struggling. (In other words, a lot of work falls on the missionaries’ shoulders.) Though bringing people into the Church has been going pretty well, it’s my personal goal to work with Mormons who are going through a crisis of faith, or are on the road to becoming less active, or have gone inactive altogether. Most of them are taken aback when I tell them that there is such a thing as a liberal Mormon and Sunstone.

Feel free to send your questionnaire over. In theory these emails are accessible by the Church if they have reason to suspect I am doing illicit things. But I’d like to believe that anyone who would read this conversation would see it as it is: an attempt to spread one member’s successful experiences with the gospel and Church in hopes of touching other people’s lives.

[I sent him our standard questionnaire.]

Elder Jones (several weeks later): Sorry it has taken a while to get this back to you. My mission has been going well for the past few weeks and we will hopefully have a baptism soon. I’m happy about this because I can tell the Church has helped him change his life for the better. But it is tough knowing that he will probably go through the various stages of questioning and doubting new members often encounter.

Jeff: Yes, I know that only too well. I was once a Seventy in Cincinnati, Ohio—in charge of follow-ups for newly baptized members. The father of a recently converted family came to me after hearing about the Church’s “race and the priesthood” policy and its attendant folklore. I talked about how I believed it would all be resolved someday—but that wasn’t good enough for him. We never saw him or his family again. So it isn’t a new phenomenon, just a more widespread one, thanks to the availability of more information (e.g, that found on the Internet).

Elder Jones: That sounds familiar. The father of a large family who had recently been converted called me and asked whether I “actually believed in the Celestial Kingdom.” We talked for a while and I think I got him calmed down.

Here’s the questionnaire with my answers. Let me know what other questions you have.

1. How would you describe your upbringing in the Church?  I was raised in a Mormon family that goes all the way back to Martin Harris. We were always very active except for a 2-month stint when I was ten while we were moving around. My dad has been a bishop and my mom has served in various stake callings. I always had Mormon friends growing up, but they were never the ones I spent the most time with.

2. What is your current status in the Church?  I’m serving a mission so I basically tick all the boxes on church attendance, temple recommend, and keeping the commandments. Following the White Handbook (which contains all the missionary rules) can be a bit tricky, though.

3. What issues / events / actions / concerns / historical data caused you to move into the “Borderlands?  I have been in the Borderlands ever since I can remember. At age 13, for example, I was against California’s Prop 8 and then realized that the Church supported it. While I’ve never quite fit in, going to church has made me feel happier. So, my testimony is based on personal experiences, though I can’t really stand in fast and testimony meeting and say, “I don’t really care if Joseph Smith saw God or not.“

4. Why do you stay in the Borderlands as opposed to moving on past the Borderlands into inactivity / leaving the Church / moving back into Group 1, etc.? It’s really hard to be inactive as a missionary, ha ha! My testimony is not built on the mythology I hear every day. It is based on the spiritual experiences my association with the Church has facilitated. I certainly don’t have those every week, and I didn’t start having them until I was a teenager. They were never grandiose events, either—usually just me recognizing that the Church has benefited my life or someone else’s, and sometimes a feeling of immense peace or joy.

5. How well do you cope with your Borderland status?  I cope extremely well. I love being in the Borderlands because it allows me to see things from many perspectives, which is an incredible tool as a missionary. It allows me to help members who need a stronger foundation of faith and help people transition from doubt and trouble to a reconciliation of Church history and certain doctrines. I love to see the faces of those in Group 3 when they realize that I have just as many—if not more—doubts than they do, and yet I am serving a mission.

6. How open and honest are you with others about your situation, or about your Borderland-causing issues / events / actions / concerns? I am quite certain that although both my parents are completely active in the Church and hold callings, they are also Borderlanders, because they were the ones who brought up most of the issues I face today!

For example, my parents had a chat with me, saying, “Well, you’re fourteen now. When I was fourteen I had no idea that there were four accounts of the First Vision. Here’s how I interpret it. Go look it up for yourself and make your own conclusions.”

We would often have family discussions on such topics as women and the priesthood. There was always an open dialogue for any questions or doubts we had.

7. How does the Borderlands experience effect your family / spouse / children /parents / friends / relatives / others?  People around me generally know how I feel. They understand that I am about as strong a member of the Church as anyone can be. I just go about it my own way. I believe that there is room for everyone in this church and I stand as proof that even as a missionary you can still have doubts and be yourself.

8. How do these various people (e.g., spouse, ward members, children, friends, relatives) respond to you and your experience? Generally it has been positive though there have been times where I overstepped an undrawn line. For example, at the MTC I made comments about women and the priesthood and even that I would have no problem if the Church accepted gay marriage in the temple. Right away, I was called into the branch president’s office where he sat me down and started with, “Do you sustain President Monson as prophet, seer, and revelator?” He said he’d heard that I held views contrary to the teachings of the Church and thought that maybe I should rethink going on a mission. I explained that both my bishop and stake president knew how I felt and had still encouraged me to serve a mission. I explained that my beliefs were my own and that I had a testimony of the gospel even if it was a bit different. Strangely, a new branch president was called on the same day as that interview, so that was the end of that.   

9. Any suggestions for others? Even if you have different beliefs, church can still be a good place. I personally believe that people who don’t go to church can still have salvation, but I also believe that church has been a good place for me: providing opportunities for spiritual experiences as well as learning and growth. I have looked up to many of the men in my ward as fathers, and many of the women as mothers. I realize that I may have a difficult time staying active after I return from my mission, but I believe I’ll stick with it because of the benefits.

One more thing that has really helped my position in the Church is that I see the institution as a project rather than a product.

Jeff: Thanks for responding. Your answers are very interesting and thought provoking. I have a few questions. At age 13 you were against California’s Prop 8? Seems amazing at such a young age. Are you in the LBGT community? And you mentioned LDS “mythology.” What do you mean by that term?

Elder Jones: I was aware, even at 13, that people had a range of views and feelings about Prop 8, and that was OK with me. The thing I didn’t understand was why one group of people wanted to tell another group of people that they could not practice what they believe. It’s especially puzzling given the 11th Article of Faith.

I would argue that I am in the LGBT community, even though I am heterosexual. I have friends who are LGBT and I go to their events and support them. I guess it’s like non-members who have enough Mormon friends and come to enough of our events that they feel like they’re a part of our community. 

As for the “mythology” comment, I see every religion as having four major elements: doctrine, policy, culture, and mythology (or folklore). Mythology and folklore sometimes set the tone for the other elements since the stories we tell each other influence and sometimes help define doctrine, policy, and culture. Here is an example using the idea of family. Doctrine: Families can be together in the Celestial Kingdom. Policy: Temple sealings should be performed and we should focus on supporting the heterosexual, nuclear family unit. Culture: The Church sponsors loads of family-oriented activities. Mythology and folklore: In the pre-mortal life, we had a say in choosing our earthly families.

I’ve noticed that missionaries often focus mostly on Mormon folklore, touching only on the points of doctrine and policy that are essential to getting an investigator baptized. 

Of course, culture, policy, and folklore often bleed into each other, such as with the race-and-the-priesthood issue. The myth that some spirits were not as valiant in the pre-mortal life supported the policy, and then the culture tended to treat blacks as if the myth were true.

Jeff:  Can you share with me one or two experiences you’ve had working on your mission “with Mormons who are going through a crisis of faith”?

Elder Jones: Currently I am working with an ex-bishop who has asked for his name to be removed from Church records. He says he just doesn’t believe anymore. The first time I went to his house I told him that he and I probably had very similar beliefs and that I wanted to share a little of what helped me. I told him to read Sunstone and also a bit of Sterling McMurrin. I told him some of my views, e.g., that the “truth” of a religious story shouldn’t always be judged on its factuality, but on its meaning. He seems to like my views, but he has been telling some members about them, too, and I’ve been pulled aside a couple of times by leaders who wanted me to explain myself. Currently, he isn’t trying to get his name removed, but he has not yet come back to full activity.  I am meeting with him and his wife again this week, so we’ll see where this all goes.

I also worked with a family in another area who were all very involved in church. The father had been in a stake presidency and one son is currently in a bishopric, but another son was just a regular member who taught in Sunday School, loved his family, but missed church meetings sometimes. I figured out pretty quickly that he and I had similar views. I went over once for dinner where we talked about disillusionment with the Church but also about the great community it brings. After our conversation, he let me know that if I ever needed a place to stay during future visits I was more than welcome. (I believe there is an extra-strong bond between Mormons who are active yet view the Church in this alternative light—kind of like the bond “Sunstoners” have with each other.)

Jeff: Do you seek out less-active members and try to solve their problems, answer their questions, etc.?

Elder Jones: Usually I work more with active members who I can tell have similar views to mine and may be headed towards being “less active.” People who have gone inactive because of disillusionment with the Church are sometimes not the friendliest toward the missionaries, viewing us as “predators stalking prey for the Mormons.”

Jeff: How much does your mission president know about your Borderland status? He has called you as a zone leader, which means he trusts you. Is he cool with your outlook on Mormonism?

Elder Jones: To be honest, I haven’t expressly talked with my mission president about being a “doubter,” mainly because he doesn’t cultivate a very close relationship with the missionaries in general.  In our brief, surface conversations, I have used some code words to refer to topics that are discussed by more liberal Mormons, and I’m sure he’s heard things about me from others. So I think he knows enough about me to get the gist.

Jeff: Thanks so much for sharing your story. I’m sure many Borderland column readers will be influenced (if not inspired) by your wonderful approaches and experiences.